Inner Editor for Sale

Yesterday I sat down with my notebook and looked at the prompt for Teachers Write. Scribbling away in my notebook, I felt ok about my writing. Shared it on Kate’s website and put my notebook aside.

Looking at my laptop screen, I sighed. After what felt like an eternity of staring at a blank page in Word, I began to type. Words flowed out, but they felt wrong. Not to be deterred, I opened another document in Word – one I’ve already worked on. Still, that voice in my head said my writing was off. Grasping at straws, I opened a third document – again one I had worked on previously. The inner editor was now speaking loudly, sharing wonderful and helpful insights with me like:

This writing is horrible.

Do you really think you can write, much less a book?

What is the “so what” here? You don’t have one.

Everyone knows this stuff already. You have nothing to contribute.

I kept at it, turning on music, attempting to tune her out. After writing about a thousand words through the three different documents, I closed them for the day. Frustrated, I took to Twitter and tweeted this:

Logically, I know that I am not the only one to struggle with the inner editor. I heard so many people I admire at All Write – Ruth, Donalyn, Penny, Chris, Terry, Jeff, and more say the same thing. I loved learning that Terry often stops writing to go look in the fridge. Donalyn calls this #prewriting. I loved knowing that theses people – who write beautiful and important books – struggle with the same internal conflict that I do. That being said – how do I get rid of this voice?

Linda Urban on Twitter shared that Cynthia Lord sends hers on a vacation to the beach complete with margaritas. (I think I should just drink the margarita myself – that could make my writing more interesting!) Donalyn said that was too nice, I should just send the inner editor out to weed. Hmm, my flowerbeds are looking a bit neglected. Over and over I heard from friends on Twitter and knew more than ever that I wasn’t alone.

It was that realization that made me stop and pause. Isn’t this why I started writing to begin with? Because if I feel this way, I know with absolute certainty that my students are as well. I suppose I can’t tell my students to have their inner editor go drink a margarita, but I can share how I felt this day in June. (And surely will again.) By talking about our inner editors in class my students can realize that we all feel this way, it isn’t a reason not to write – or worse, stop writing.

Yesterday was a reminder to be kinder to myself. I can see my own growth in my writing since starting this blog. I know with certainty when I look back three years from now, my writing will have continued to improve. This is where I am; this is the message I need to share. I need to go do it. The inner editor will just have to play nice or she’s out of here. 

Exhaustion

I’ve just returned from the amazing All Write conference. I was in Warsaw, IN for four days. I come home with wonderful ideas on reading and writing. With the happiness of spending time with friends I only see in real life a few times a year. And with a complete feeling of exhaustion.

The first time I went to All Write with this group I naively thought I’d rest up. No children to wake me in the middle of the night. My own hotel room to catch up on some sleep. I didn’t realize since we only see each other two or three times a year we were going to squeeze every minute out of the conference. I’m grateful for the chance to see them and wouldn’t change a thing about it.

I will write more later about it but for now there is a post up on Jen Vincent’s blog about what I learned from All Write:

 Mentor Texts - All Write

And my first article from Choice Literacy is also up:

Summer Reading Camp

You need to be a member to be able to read it.

Hope your summer is going well and you are fitting lots of reading, writing, and relaxing it.

Katherine

Making Time

Kate’s mini-lesson this morning is on making time to write, not finding time. Making time means it is a priority. I get that. I’m now exercising at least three times a week where I wasn’t at the start of 2012. I always said I didn’t have the time but when I scheduled it, exercise became a priority.

So, for writing this summer I will make time. My plan is at least thirty minutes a day, after working out and showering. I will write in my bedroom because I love it and am comfortable there. I want to write more off of the computer, in my journal. I think I need to brainstorm more.

As for when the school year starts, I think thirty minutes when I get home from school would work well. Before dinner as my boys enjoy some downtime of their own shouldn’t be a problem.

Today’s thirty minutes will start with Jo Knowles blog and her Monday prompt. Can’t wait to get started! 

Teachers Write!

If you’ve been reading this blog since my first post (found HERE) you will know I haven’t been doing this very long. As I write in that first post, I went to NCTE this past November and came back with the notion that I needed to write. Ruth, Colby, Kate, Donalyn, and more gave me motivation. So even though I was in the last year of grad school and had zero free time, I began a blog.

So far, it has gone well. I love blogging my books I’ve read on Mondays. Blogging a slice of my life on Tuesdays. I’ve met wonderful people through it these last seven months. I participated in the slice of life challenge during March and loved it. I’ve gotten feedback on my writing, put it out there for others to see, and I’ve grown.

I think this has transferred over to my teaching. I’ve been able to talk to my students more about writing under a deadline (slice of life), coming up with ideas when staring at a blank page, taking feedback – both positive and negative. All great lessons. And without being a writer myself I don’t know that I would have been able to relate as well to my students as writers.

As Colby Sharp wrote this morning, (HERE), I think that being a voracious reader influences my students and my teaching. I am a better teacher because I read. I cannot imagine trying to help students love to read without actually reading myself. The same holds true for writing. And as I’ve known all year, this summer was the time I was going to give myself to dive deeper into writing.

You see I’ve really wanted to try writing more deeply. A blog post would be, for me, what I consider first draft writing. It usually takes me no more than 20 minutes. I think of an idea, open up word, and start typing. Skim over, publish, done. I know I need to do more, but what?

I truly want to write a book. Not for kids, although that would be awesome, but for teachers. I’ve wanted to write one ever since reading Donalyn Miller’s The Book Whisperer. (And if you haven’t read it yet, stop, go order it, come back. You need this book.) When I read The Book Whisperer, it was like everything I was doing was confirmed for me. I was on the right track. But other teachers I shared it with that weren’t teaching like Donalyn loved it too. They said they loved it because you could tell a “real teacher” wrote it. That someone that understood them. I liken it to Kate Messner’s dialogue in her books between kids. A student in my class said Kate knew how to write kids as they truly are. I think that is because she was a teacher herself and saw kids daily. Donalyn is a teacher, she isn’t suggesting we do things that really won’t work in a regular classroom. So her book inspired me, but I didn’t know where to go from there.

Teachers Write!

So my goal this summer, to try and start sorting out the ideas I have in my head. And now, Kate Messner, Gae Polisner, and Jen Vincent have come along with this virtual writing camp for educators. It’s like they read my mind and found exactly what I’ve needed. I’ve signed up and can’t wait to begin. How about you? Click below the button to learn more about Teachers Write!