Wednesday, September 18, 2019

So Many Open Tabs

How I am choosing to relax tonight, reading a book.
Today I reached lunch hour and raced out the door to my building on my way to my Jeep. My mind going a million miles a minute, I briefly wondered why I felt anxious. As I watched my colleague, Mel, drive home in her car, I thought of Mel’s computer. I constantly tease her that she has too many tabs open. I laughed thinking that was how my brain felt today, there were too many tabs. So many tabs.

I’m not sure if this is a female issue, a teacher issue, or a mom issue, but I always have a lot on my mind. While I am teaching, I’m always thinking in my head that we have “x” amount of time left in class, what I still have to teach, and what connection I can give the kids to the concept I’m sharing. As I do that I’m scanning their faces, deciding who is paying attention, who isn’t, who looks confused, who looks sad and what I can do about it, etc. I read somewhere that a teacher, on average, will make more than 1500 educational decisions in a day. I believe it.

Today, on top of normal teaching, I had a ridiculous amount of other “stuff” on my mind. We were beginning our day with a lockdown and relocation drill. I debated how to lead my students through it without causing any anxiety. I sat there huddled in the corner of our classroom with them and prayed that this was a drill that they would never need to use. During breaks between classes I scheduled a doctor appointment for Luke to ensure he just has a virus and not strep or an ear infection. I communicated said appointment to Luke, my mother-in-law, and Luke’s school for that afternoon. I texted the vet about Rosie’s allergies and made an appointment for her after school. I messaged the mom of Liam’s Homecoming date so that I could go order the flowers during lunch. And Chris and I texted about a low tire pressure on my car.

Throughout the morning when I wasn’t teaching I also sent emails about a few meetings I need to have coming up at school, reached out for information about a fundraiser this spring. Messaged some parents about school concerns, emailed other parents about things I’d noticed, answered some student communication, and got the lessons ready for tomorrow.

In fourth hour we watched Jarrett Krosoczka’s Ted Talk. (HERE) In our discussions and quick write afterwards, we talked about everything Jarrett overcame. I relayed the advice that we should all be kind because we never know what other people are dealing with. Some kids shared some struggles of their own. I thought of everything I’d been juggling all morning as well as a doctor's appointment that was making me nervous for tomorrow afternoon. We decided that we would all try to be just a bit kinder as we moved about our day. 

Side note, this is not exactly what my appointment is regarding, but as my PSA for the day I wanted to share THIS article about women’s health from one of my favorite authors. I think it is important. 

Study hall came and went and then I was rushing out of the building to lunch, all those tabs open as I did. Driving to grab my lunch before heading to the florist, I ran through my morning and laughed thinking of all of those darn “tabs.” I am under no illusion that I am unique in this respect, but today was a great reminder to me to take some time for ourselves. Let our brains slow down once in awhile. Because my goodness, I surely hit 1,501 decisions today, or maybe 1,502. 

Have a great week!

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Pause

Well, that was a bit of a pause. This is my twenty-fourth year in education. Twenty-four times I’ve started out the school year, been blindsided by the wave of exhaustion, the overwhelming list of things to do, and I still don’t expect it. Year after year I think that by being super organized, preparing ahead of time, I will be able to start the year off without a hitch.

Nope. Nice idea in theory, in practice it has yet to become a reality. 

In the last six weeks I’ve had several doctor appointments and a crazy amount of tests for a small health issue, had to get stitches after cutting my thumb during a team building exercise, Luke has had x-rays and an MRI along with multiple appointments for a stress fracture, Liam has had an x-ray and appointment for something termed ‘jumper’s knee’, and then there’s just been teaching and life.

I’m exhausted. And stressed. 

And yet, we just finished our twentieth day of school. I love my new classes. At the home football game on Friday night I got to see so many of them out with their friends. They got to meet Chris. They are already sending me messages about how much they love this school year, how they’re enjoying reading, how they’ve been inspired to write, etc. It’s awesome while also feeling like it is never enough.

Today as I drove home from Champaign where I was revising my first book, I listened to Colby and Alaina Sharp’s most recent podcast for Partially Proficient. (Click on the link to learn more.)


Alaina talked about always feeling like she hasn’t done enough and to that, I can relate. (As well as saying “yes” when kids ask to go to the bathroom, but I digress.) Teaching is a tough career. I can work myself to the bone, do great things, and I can always look and see what else I could have done. I can help 73 kids become more enamored with reading, but I will wonder why I couldn't reach the last two. I will pour myself into the job, then get home and feel like I don't have enough left for Chris and/or the boys. Or I will spend more time investing myself at home and beat myself up for not doing more for school.

It is never enough. 

This used to be something I struggled with daily. Make no mistake, I still do at times. Especially at the start of the year. But I’ve tried to become more comfortable this year with just being ok in the moment. I have worked to make myself more vulnerable - to tell my own children or my students how I’m feeling. Sometimes, as I did with one of my sons just moments ago - I just simply tell them why something they did hurt me. No big discussion, no high emotions, just stated truths. I tell them what I’m doing and why it matters. I tell them what I’m shooting for and am ok if we fall up short. The cool thing I’m finding is that I’m becoming less stressed. That my own kids and my students are showing more ownership for their actions. And, and this is key, especially in the classroom I feel like it is more of a group effort to get things done, not just me out there on my own piloting the boat. 

So, as I continue this journey into a new school year, I’m reminding myself that it’s ok to step back a bit and let the kids help. I’m trying to be kind to myself. I know we are always modeling behavior for our children - at home and at school. I want them to see that there is no need to beat yourself up when you are trying your best. And I’m telling myself just to let go, it will be ok, to enjoy the moment. Because living in the present is something I always strive to do. I fail and fail again, but someday I know I will get it.

Hope you are all having a great start to your school year and you are treating yourself with kindness. We’ve got this. 

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Bookstore Romance Day - Reading Recommendations

Today is Bookstore Romance Day, something independent bookstores are celebrating across our country. To celebrate today, I wrote a post for our local independent bookstore, Hartfield Book Co., about the reasons to read romance books. You can check it out HERE

As a teacher, I tell my students that I will honor anything they want to read. Graphic novels for days? You bet. Reread a favorite book or series, absolutely that counts as reading. Below their level, above their level? Why not? I am not here to shame any reader, I simply want them to read. I want them to fall in love with books the way I have. Will that happen for every single kid, every single year? Nope, but I still try. 

Imagine my surprise when I dove back into reading romance books in the summer of 2017 and recommended them to friends. There were many comments about reading “those books” or raised eyebrows. Not cool, friends. Not cool. 

I am willing to shout it from the rooftops, I love romance books. I love the fact that one of the defining characteristics of a romance book is that there is a happily ever after for the main characters. I love that when I’m stressed, these books help me feel better. I love that I read books that celebrate and empower women. I love the supportive community that is the romance writing community. And above all, I love that these books have inspired me to chase a long ago childhood dream of writing my own book. 

With a crazy amount of new books flooding the market everyday, it’s intimidating to try and find books to read. My number one way of finding new romance novels is talking to friends who read the genre. Also, I follow authors I love on social media and they often sing the praises of new books that are similar to theirs. In honor of Bookstore Romance Day, I’ve attempted to do the impossible and tried to come up with a top ten list of romance book recommendations below. Really, I cheated, because I only listed each author once, allowinng me to squeeze in a lot more recommendations. But truly, go read any books by that author and you won’t be disappointed. 

Here we go...

*****

10. Kristen Ashley - Breathe
I had to begin with this book because this was what got me back into romance. I googled “librarian romance book” and this came up. Reading it, I realized it was the middle of a series. I went back and read the first four. Then I realized Kristen had written over forty books and I bought them all. Seriously. The Rock Chicks is one of my favorite series of all time. It would be fabulous on Netflix. Bounty in The Colorado Mountain series is one of my favorite books of all time. The male lead of that book, Deke, makes me think of Jason Momoa. Ahhhh. So yes, read Breathe, or any of Ashley’s book. You’ll be glad you did.

9. Robyn Carr - Virgin River
I have no idea how I found the Virgin River series. I know a friend told me about Carr’s Thunder Point series, which I loved, but somehow I made my way over to Virgin River. The series has been optioned for a Netflix series, which would be amazing. What I loved about this was that while there is a couple at the core of each book, other storylines overlap from book to book. I’m a sucker for a small town romance, which is obvious from many of my favorites, and this twenty book series melts my heart. 

8. Melonie Johnson - Getting Hot with the Scot
Let’s celebrate this Illinois author, Melonie Johnson! Melonie had my dream come true, she had a publisher pick up a three book series for her first published books. Getting Hot with the Scott is the first of a three book (for now) series about five college friends who, in this book, head to Europe on a trip five years after college vacation. I’ve read all three books and am praying the publisher options the next two ASAP.

7. Abby Jimenez - The Friend Zone
This is Abby’s first book. She’s actually more well known for her baking ability after competing on Cupcake Wars, or the three bakeries she owns called Nadia’s Cakes. In The Friend Zone, the main character of Kristen is planning to get a hysterectomy, even though she’s only twenty-nine, due to a medical condition. She meets Josh and is immediately attracted to him, but puts him in the friend zone since she won’t be able to have a family. This book took me from hilarious laughter to the ugly cry, and back. I cannot wait to read the next in the series in 2020.

6. Penny Reid - Neanderthal Seeks Human
I had a really difficult time picking a Penny Reid book. The woman is amazing and I’ll read anything she writes. Her Winston Brothers series is likely one of my all time favorite series, but I think you need to start with the Knitting in the City series, of which this is the first book, because it feeds into the Winston Brothers with book five of this series crossing over to be like a prequel to that series. Penny’s books are smart, quirky, full of love, and wickedly funny. Check them out. 

5. Kate Canterbary - Underneath it All
Not sure how I found Kate’s books, but I love them. I wrote about Kate’s book, Before Girl, HERE. Kate also let me pick her brain about writing HERE. Underneath it All is the first book in her Walsh series, Note, she also has anthologies for the series packaged that you can read about the brothers in The Walsh Brothers, and the sisters in The Walsh Sisters. When I read the series originally, I read each book on its own in the order it was published. I love Kate’s characters because the Walsh siblings are blunt, have overcome a lot, make me laugh, and her books are steamy. She is also a riot on her own. Highly recommend! 

4. Melanie Shawn - Teasing Destiny
It really doesn’t matter which book I put up here, I love everything these ladies write. (Melanie and Shawn are sisters that put their names together to create one author.) They have so many different series, but read one and you’ll likely encounter some of their characters from another series in little cameo roles. I love that. While their Hope Falls series is one of my favorites, I picked Teasing Destiny, the first book in the Wishing Well, Texas series, because I began running again after being inspired by some of the female heroines in this series. Who knew that romance books could make you want to exercise again just by reading about other characters who loved to run? One thing I would caution you, these ladies are writing so much that their website is often not up to date. So, for example, the website lists this series as having three books, there are actually eight released so far.

3. Sally Thorne - The Hating Game
A friend gifted this book to me when she heard I was diving back into the genre a few summers ago. It is the perfect enemies-to-lovers story. The idea that this was Sally’s first book is mind boggling to me. I haven’t read her second book yet, but I can’t wait to read it or see the movie adaption of this book. The book revolves around the relationship between Lucy and Joshua, forced to share an office and compete for a job. Whomever wins will be the other’s boss. They’ve never gotten along, but now there is a lot more on the line. Excellent writing. 

 
2. Casey McQuiston - Red, White, and Royal Blue
I read this book on vacation this summer and fell in love with the characters. Alex is the first son of the President. Prince Henry is his nemesis from England. After a misunderstanding while across the pond threatens to blow up into a social media nightmare for both countries, a fake friendship between the two men is created to smooth these rough Atlantic waters. Alex and Henry realize they each understand the unique position the other is in and romance begins to blossom. This is unbelievably Casey’s first book and I cannot wait to read more.
1. Lucy Score and Claire Kingsley - The Bootleg Springs series
I wrote an entire blog post about my love of this series a few weeks back. You can find it HERE. Luckily for you fine folks, the final book in the series, Highball Rush, is out now so you won’t be tortured with a wait like I have been. The first book in the series was Whiskey Chaser. That being said, I’ve read everything Lucy and Claire have written - together and separately. To give you a starting point, try Rock Bottom Girl by Lucy or the Miles Family series from Claire. SOOOO AMAZING.

*****

See? I totally cheated. Far more than ten books, but it’s a start. My list has a bias, of course. I read contemporary romance almost exclusively. There are amazing books out there in historical fiction - Courtney Milan, Beverly Jenkins, Sarah Maclean, Alyssa Cole. There are fantasy books, paranormal romances, crime/ thrillers, and more. But if you need a recommendation in contemporary, I’m your girl. 

How about you? Do you have a romance suggestion for me? If so, please share! And romance or not, pick up a great book from an independent book store this week if you can. Places like Hartfield Book Co. are vital parts of their community and I love everything they represent. 

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Writing Wednesday - Writing Identity

Toni Morrison has died. I opened up social media on Tuesday to find that news all over my news feed. Opening up CNN, I read THIS article on her life. A quote from Morrison called to me,


I know how to write forever. I don't think I could have happily stayed here in the world if I did not have a way of thinking about it, which is what writing is for me. It's control. Nobody tells me what to do. It's mine, it's free, and it's a way of thinking. It's pure knowledge.


The way Morrison spoke of writing captivated me. She wasn’t who she was without writing. It was part of her identity. 




On my way to a local coffee shop where I was going to write on Tuesday, I listened to the podcast Hot and Bothered. The premise of the series is that Vanessa Zoltan, who writes romance under the pseudonym Lorelai Mason, has ten friends that she is going to teach to write a romance book. Author Julia Quinn comes on every other episode to give some writing advice. I love it. In this episode Vanessa’s friend, Ariana Nedelman, is attempting to write an enemies to lovers romance story. After a few years of writing that has tortured her, she quit grad school, only to decide to join this writing challenge. Vanessa questions her friend, why write if it makes her suffer? Ariana says she needs to write, it is who she is. Again, writing is part of her identity. 


These women are at the forefront of my mind as an impending school year draws near. I teach seventh graders reading and writing. These are vital skills for a host of reasons, but also, I know that for some of them they are part of their identity. I know this because it is true for me. 


I don’t know who I am without the elements that make me a reader, a writer. I have long coped with stress by disappearing into a book. Books line the shelves in my house, spilling over as I run out of room, yet still I buy more books. Writing has forever been a part of me too. As a kid, I remember getting in trouble for lying at school. Not because I made up completely untrue stories, but often I rewrote how something had happened in my mind. Not changing any outcomes, but crafting the scene just a little bit better. It seems that I was creating a world through my own reality. I am in love with words, with characters, with story. And yet, I didn’t write a drop of fiction from around middle school until I was almost forty. 


Why the almost thirty year gap of writing the stories I loved? One, there was little time devoted to it in school. Two, it wasn’t an identity that was held sacred. My papers bled when they were returned to me, yet I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. Diagramming sentences were a mystery. I’m still not fabulous with grammar and mechanics, but in school I felt ignorant because I couldn’t understand what my teachers were trying to share with me. A shy kid, I would never have asked for help, so I just decided writing was not for me. 

That was rough. 


This school year as I venture back in the building to begin my twenty-fourth year in education, I want to remember myself as a seventh grader. Their identities are being formed and I want to celebrate all of what makes them who they are. Inside of my classroom we have kids that have so much potential. I want them to strive for what makes them who they are, not teach them to give up on dreams they hold dear. I will point to authors like Morrison and talk about what their words meant to me. I will share with them my own dreams, dashed for so long, then taken up like a lantern in the night if I am just brave enough to follow. Then together, we will write. 

For me, I'm holding another of Morrison's quotes closely as I try to be brave enough to follow my dreams. Morrison said, "If there's a book you want to readbut it hasn't been written yetthen you must write it." Words that I will keep close as I continue on my journey.