Monday, April 1, 2013

Slice of Life - Fear


I subscribe to several channels on YouTube – largely thanks to my obsession with John Green and Vlogbrothers. I spent part of my weekend catching up with some videos I haven’t seen over the past few months. Here were two I had missed:

Charlie – I’m Scared


Michael – a video response to Charlie


A few things I thought of when I saw these videos – one, I think I’m about 10-14 years older than these two are. So some of what they are talking about, I think, gets easier as you grow older. I will freely admit that I was an insecure teen – even in my twenties. I still wouldn’t say I have a ton of confidence, but I know who I am at this point. I know what I stand for, what I am not willing to compromise on.

But the part about being scared to try new things, about having others not like your work, that fear? I know that feeling. That feeling is mine too.

I’m afraid sometimes that I’m not a good teacher.
That on days I’m too exhausted to conference.
Too tired to put in a lot of effort.
Fearing I’m a phony.

I’m afraid sometimes that I’m not a good writer.
That the dream I have 
Will never come to fruition.
The dream of writing a book
Will never happen.

And if it does,
If I manage to write a book.
Would anyone read it?
Do I have something to say?

I’m afraid that I’m not a good mom.
That I spend too much time.
Typing.
Reading.
Writing.
And not enough seeing them.

I’m afraid of my anxiety.
That it will take over.
That it will hold me back.
That I cannot defeat it.

And yet, I keep trying.
Keep writing.
Reading.
Teaching.
Loving.
Parenting.

I think Charlie, and Michael, are right.
Fear is part of life.
Maybe the answer lies.
In how much attention we give it.
Give in to fear…

Or

Keep creating.
Keep living.
Keep trying.

I choose that.

I return to the words of Maurice Sendak.

Live Your Life.
Live Your Life.
Live Your Life.

What do you think? Is fear or being scared part of the human condition? Do we all feel insecure at some point? Do you think it improves as you age? I’m not sure. I certainly hope so. 

I'm so glad that I stumbled across these videos, they sure did make me think. And that? I love that. I love thinking things through. I love reflecting - wondering - and trying to decide what I believe by writing. 
Slice of Life is sponsored every Tuesday by Stacey and Ruth from Two Writing Teachers.


 
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