My Most Important Job - Slice of Life 3/6/17

Thanks to Clare for the inspiration for today's post. See her post from yesterday HERE.

July 10th, 2002 made my world spin. I began my most important job, that of being a mom. One that, over the years, I'd feel like I was failing and succeeding in equally alarming numbers. 

My mom with me.

I think parenting is endlessly fascinating. I can only speak for myself when I say I had no earthly idea what I was doing when we brought Luke home. I still remember having Chris drive so slow, worried that the bumps would somehow harm him as he was strapped into this crazy car seat. I remember sleepless nights, worried he'd never sleep beyond four hours at a time and I would surely die of exhaustion. 

And then Liam came and I quickly found out that even having one kid that had already survived three years under my care was no guarantees that the next one would be any easier. 

Looking back, I wish I would have relaxed. I worried so much, I forgot to have fun at times. Were they eating right, were they eating too much, too little? Would they ever get out of our beds? Would they sleep on their own? When parents of older kids told me the worries just get bigger, I'd laugh. Surely I'd have it all figured out by the time my boys were in school. 

Nope. 

This is, as I often reflect, my most important job. I need to get this right and so much of it seems to be a crap shoot. 

I'm a planner by nature and I want parenthood to be something I can check a box, do what I'm supposed to do, and my kids will be fine. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to work that way. 

Friends often tell me my boys are great kids, we must be doing something right. Similar to teaching, I know the areas we do well in, and I know where we need to work. I feel like I'm always working. 

This weekend one kid loves me, the other one would probably be glad to have a vacation from me. We've had lots of our conversation time in the car where I ask them to share their thoughts. (Not a favorite of my boys). As we wrap up the weekend, things still aren't perfect, but perfection is unattainable. 

Tomorrow will come and the sun will rise. They might not always be thrilled with my decisions, but they know that I love them to pieces, that I try each and every day to be a good role model for them, that I want them to be a force for good in this world. I'm sure there will be days where I will be disappointed, I'm sure I will disappoint them. 

As I type this I have around 1500 days until Luke graduates from high school, just over 2,200 days until Liam does the same. I've cut back on conferences, writing, and anything else that doesn't need to be a priority right now. All too soon they will grow up and leave me. That thought alone sends me into a bit of melancholy. Instead, I'll call Liam in a minute. We'll head upstairs for our shared reading time that we have each night. I'll talk to Luke about the book he just finished, March: Book Three. And I'll just soak it all in. It is, after all, my most important job. 

Side note - if you have some Kleenex ready and want to hear a beautiful song about the impact of a mom, listen to this. (Supermarket Flowers). It's about the singer's grandmother, but you will get the idea. 

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Inspiration - Slice of Life 3/5/17

Grain elevators = small towns in central Illinois

Often when I'm at a conference and asked where I live, I reply with something like halfway between Chicago and St. Louis, surrounded by cornfields, in a little town that no one has heard of. And it's true, to some extent. My town has around 5000 people in it. We have two traffic lights, up from zero when I was growing up. There is no Starbucks. There are no "big" stores. It is a small town.

There are advantages to that, of course. You know a good portion of the people in town. It's a safe place to live. People help each other, and so on. 

Disadvantages would be what you would expect - it is small, too small at times. It isn't as diverse as I would like. Sometimes it isn't great for everyone to know everything about you, or so I believed growing up. Honestly, if you had asked me in high school if I would come back here to live, I would have said no emphatically. But, for the drawbacks of small towns, when you have some years to your life, you see what a blessing they are.

We've raised our boys here. Chris, coming from the South Side of Chicago, experiences culture shock from time to time. Liam was bummed for the last two years when he didn't make the travel basketball team for his grade. Chris laughed - at a high school with around three hundred kids per grade, he didn't make the high school team - at six foot six. It is a different world.

But my favorite part of living in a small town is watching the younger kids get inspired by the older ones. In a small town the younger kids look at the high school kids as heroes at times. I've written about that before (HERE). Some of Liam's heroes reside on our high school basketball team. 

Friday night Liam had basketball practice at the Y from 6-7pm. Our town isn't big enough for a Y, of course. It's about twenty-five miles away. Normally that isn't a big deal, but our high school boys basketball team was playing in the Sectional Championship in our tiny town. It was a big deal and Liam really wanted to see the game. 

I drove Liam home quickly from his practice, dropping him off at the door to the school. Chris met him inside where he had saved him a seat so he could watch the second half. I loved getting reports on the game from he and Chris, it was a battle, and seeing the joy when we emerged victorious. 

Saturday morning found Liam on the basketball court, playing in two different rec leagues in a nearby town so he can still play the game he loves. In his first game he got positioned for the opening tip - he's the tallest on the team - and I saw him smile. He showed me that he had drawn some inspiration of his own from the game the night before, sinking several shots quickly to begin the game. 

What he doesn't realize, what would never occur to him, is that I'm inspired as well. It's not easy to fail, and it's far easier to give up. I'm grateful he hasn't. He knew he didn't make the travel team because he wasn't ready. He reflected on what he needed to do to improve and works to make it happen. I admire that. While it makes my own schedule a bit nuts running him to different practices, different games, I'll gladly give that up. In a small town you have to sometimes look elsewhere to get the opportunities you crave, but inspiration also lies in others. You just have to know where to look.

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

I Wish Her More - Slice of Life 3/4/17

Found on my classroom board, feels appropriate for this post.

The day began great...it's Friday, I knew I could swim tonight, my students were fabulous...the day stretched ahead with endless possibility. And then, I opened Facebook right before lunch. I clicked on a link to a post on New York Times from a favorite author - Amy Krouse Rosenthal. 

I read the first two paragraphs. My brow creased. I tried to make sense of it. I scrolled back to the top, was this really by Amy? Was it a piece of fiction? Please let it be fiction. I quickly skimmed the entire article. (You can read it HERE).

My eyes blurred, my heart sank.

As many folks who read my blog know, I struggle with anxiety. This has not been a lifelong struggle, however. While I had moments as a kid and young adult, full blown anxiety attacks blessed me once I became a mother. Many friends talk about being "nervous" at times, or dealing with worry. This is more than that. I wouldn't wish full blown anxiety - or panic attacks - on anyone. Over the years I've figured out that it seems to stem from an all-encompassing fear that I will leave my children without a mother.

It is my greatest fear. I know, rationally, it shouldn't control me. As the boys have gotten older, the anxiety has lessened to some extent. Every year they are older, every year my anxiety decreases a bit, but it is still there like a guest who has overstayed their welcome. Over the years I've had students lose their moms. It breaks me. I've tried to mother them in my own way, but I know I'm a poor substitute. 

All this is to say, my first thought upon reading Amy's beautiful and heart-wrenching post was not of her husband, as the post intended, but of her children. They're grown, but not enough. My heart broke a bit more.

When it comes down to it, I think most of us will long for more days on this earth when it is our time to go. Amy's days are drawing to a close, she certainly deserves more than she has left.  But the days she has spent here she has used well. She has filled this world with light and love. She made a positive impact on those she knew. I wish her as many days left as she can have with her loved ones. 

I wish her more.

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Podcasts - Slice of Life 3/3/17

I actually thought ahead a bit for this challenge in the past week or so. When something would happen to me, when I'd take a picture, when a student would say something that made tears stream down my face in laughter, I'd think...

Need to save that for the month of slices...

Now, of course, I don't remember them all. I should have written my ideas down in a notebook, but that would have been far too practical. Instead, I've sat down for the past three days in front of my computer, opened a blank blog page, and let my mind wander. Surprisingly enough, an idea has come each time. Whether or not this will continue for the entire month remains to be seen, but I'm finding joy with the inspiration while it is there.

Today my inspiration came from my phone. I do love it so. I'm sure it is wrong to love an object such as this, but it serves many purposes for me. One of my favorites is that I listen to podcasts on my phone while I complete my daily walk. I tend to begin with a podcast for about half of the walk and turn it off for the second half while I let the quiet calm me. Some of my podcasts are anything but calming, they rile me up! I've gone through phases of podcasts - beginning with entertainment podcasts, then book review, then education, and now my subscriptions tend toward the political. I love them all for different reasons. Below you will see screenshots of the podcasts I subscribe to in case you are looking for one to listen to. 

And tomorrow I'll wake up early and grab my headphones and my phone. With Rosie's on her leash in one hand, I'll flip though my new podcasts with the other. I'll settle on the first one, the one I listen to each morning as I step off - The Writer's Almanac. Beginning your day outside, with a loyal dog, and a poem read to you? There is no better way.

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

Get Thee Outside - Slice of Life 3/2/17

I've noticed something about myself in the last few years - I have a craving to be outside. Make no mistake, this is no fitness craving. This is no desire to go run several miles, although I do acknowledge that would be good for me. No, sometime in the last three years I've found myself having the urge to go outside, to breath deeply, to let the quiet surround me.

I think I can trace the origin of this to my dog, Rosie. We had a great golden retriever, Bally, for 14 years. We lost her in 2014. In 2015 a friend asked if we wanted to adopt her one year old King Charles Cavalier, Rosie. We quickly agreed. While a low maintenance dog in some respects, she does crave a walk each morning. And so each morning finds Rosie and me trotting down our sidewalk on a leisurely morning walk of about a mile long.

I love these walks for the most part. They've taught me to look for the sunrise, to listen to the birds, to breathe in the air. I notice the change in the seasons more. I certainly have grown to appreciate my warm coat in the winter months, but I hurry out before the heat of the day in the summer. Rosie is not a good leash walker - when she sees other dogs she lunges, barking like a dog three times her size. While she sounds fierce, she really just wants to go play. 

A few weeks ago I reflected on this daily habit of mine. The walk centers me, my heart rate relaxes. I feel wide awake and ready to begin my day after being outside for just a bit of time. Looking at my class that Monday morning I reflected - do these seventh graders get outside each day? I wondered. That day I made an announcement as it came to me in class. Each Monday we were going to head outside to do our quick write in the great outdoors. Bring their coats - we were heading out. I didn't care what they wrote, only that they wrote. They looked at me a bit skeptical, but they are a willing bunch, and we headed out behind our school.

We've just wrapped up our fourth week of writing outside on Mondays. The kids like the change of scenery and I do too. I center myself below the hill, look over kids spread in every direction, take in a breath, and smile as I grab my notebook and scribble inside. There truly isn't anything better than this. 

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

You'll Be Back - Slice of Life 3/1/17

I absolutely had a Hamilton moment while beginning today's post. See, the last time I did the Slice of Life challenge in March was 2014. How is that possible? It seems like I just completed it and that it was eons ago at the same time. What happened? Well, life. When I look at my writing life, it has evolved in a variety of ways over the past few years. I began this blog in November of 2011. It was exciting, new. My writing changed, heck, my teaching of writing changed as a direct result. Over time my desire for writing has ebbed and flowed along with this blog, as you can see from the simple number of posts I've uploaded over the years: 

I looked over these numbers today and wondered how I was able to write so much just a few years ago. Then I thought more. When this blog began my sons were nine and six. I taught 5th grade, and had been teaching in elementary school for over twelve years. I didn't write anywhere else, my boys were home every day after school. Life was pretty quiet. 

Now, well, it's not. I've switched grade levels. I have two boys in middle school. Here is our calendar for March, and most of this is for them. (I blurred the calendar, but I think you get the idea...)

The slice of my life devoted to writing (see what I did there??) has become smaller and smaller over the past few years. This March my goal is to reclaim some of that time for me. So, I'm back. (cue the music) I have no idea if I have it in me to make the entire month - that's almost half as many posts as I wrote last year in total, but I'm willing to try. 

Let's begin.

Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers. 

A Boy Called Bat Blog Tour

Back in November I was handed A Boy Called Bat while attending NCTE. I remember looking at the book, thinking that it was an appealing cover, but wondering if this was a book that would fit in my new seventh grade classroom. I had a hunch it might be more at home in my former fifth grade room. After reading it, I can safely say that A Boy Called Bat is at home in any classroom. 

Bixby Alexander Tam, known at Bat, is just trying to make his way in this world. This is complicated by the fact that he is autistic, which means the world doesn't always conform to the way Bat would like it to. Sometimes this is ok, sometimes it isn't. Bat's sister can drive him crazy, he doesn't always like the every-other-Friday rule about going to his dad's house, and third grade can be tough. But when Bat's veterinarian mom brings home a baby skunk, he forgets about everything else. When she tells Bat they will take care of it for a month, but then have to give it back, Bat begins to work on a plan. Falling in love with the skunk, developing a bond, makes the days he has left to prove to his mom that he needs this skunk simply fly on by. 

A Boy Called Bat is a heartwarming story about friendship, acceptance, family, and finding your voice. I devoured this book on the way home from NCTE, even forgetting that I was on a plane at times, which speaks volumes if you know my aversion to flying. And while I think this is the perfect elementary school book, my seventh graders have enjoyed reading about Bat's journey as well. Check this one out, you'll be glad you did.

Here's a link to some educator resources if you're interested in them: Resources

Tour stops

March 1 Read, Write Reflect
March 2 A Foodie Bibliophile in Wanderlust - Beth Shaum

March 3 Bluestocking Thinking
March 6 The Official Tumblr of Walden Media

March 7 For Those About to Mock
March 8 Maria’s Melange
March 9 Novel Novice
March 10 Unleashing Readers
March 13 The Haunting of Orchid Forsythia
March 13 Mundie Kids

March 14 All the Wonders
March 15 Teach Mentor Texts
March 19 Nerdy Book Club

March 20 LibLaura5
March 22 Book Monsters
March 27 Librarian’s Quest
March 29 Satisfaction for Insatiable Readers 

March 30 LitCoachLou