|Found on my classroom board, feels appropriate for this post.|
I read the first two paragraphs. My brow creased. I tried to make sense of it. I scrolled back to the top, was this really by Amy? Was it a piece of fiction? Please let it be fiction. I quickly skimmed the entire article. (You can read it HERE).
My eyes blurred, my heart sank.
As many folks who read my blog know, I struggle with anxiety. This has not been a lifelong struggle, however. While I had moments as a kid and young adult, full blown anxiety attacks blessed me once I became a mother. Many friends talk about being "nervous" at times, or dealing with worry. This is more than that. I wouldn't wish full blown anxiety - or panic attacks - on anyone. Over the years I've figured out that it seems to stem from an all-encompassing fear that I will leave my children without a mother.
It is my greatest fear. I know, rationally, it shouldn't control me. As the boys have gotten older, the anxiety has lessened to some extent. Every year they are older, every year my anxiety decreases a bit, but it is still there like a guest who has overstayed their welcome. Over the years I've had students lose their moms. It breaks me. I've tried to mother them in my own way, but I know I'm a poor substitute.
All this is to say, my first thought upon reading Amy's beautiful and heart-wrenching post was not of her husband, as the post intended, but of her children. They're grown, but not enough. My heart broke a bit more.
When it comes down to it, I think most of us will long for more days on this earth when it is our time to go. Amy's days are drawing to a close, she certainly deserves more than she has left. But the days she has spent here she has used well. She has filled this world with light and love. She made a positive impact on those she knew. I wish her as many days left as she can have with her loved ones.
I wish her more.
Slice of Life is a challenge hosted by Two Writing Teachers.