Teacher & Parent Partnerships

Several years ago I went to a conference where Nancie Atwell was speaking. I was so excited to see her; The Reading Zone had changed a lot of my thinking about teaching reading. Reading The Book Whisperer later cemented those new beliefs.

Nancie intimated me; I was in awe of her knowledge. I learned a lot from her presentation, though, and scribbled notes furiously. My biggest takeaway didn’t need to be written down. About halfway through the day she talked about how it’s important to share you reading and writing life with your students, it is also important to share yourself. Nancie went on to say that her students knew her – her favorite candy, the members of her family, what she liked to do for fun. As I sat there, I wondered, did my students know me that well?

From that moment on, I made sure my students knew who I was. I’d tell stories about my children, my husband, my dog. I’d share stories from childhood when I was writing in our workshop. I told them about my addiction to M&Ms. We talked about how my favorite coffee shop, Café Kopi, is located in a nearby town and how I wish they’d open up one in Monticello. The more I shared, the more they shared. Our relationships grew stronger, our classroom grew closer.

When I started this blog I hadn’t anticipated it would add a whole new level to what I would share with my students. Occasionally I would read entries to them – especially when it was an entry I had begun in front of them, and they would give me feedback. This was wonderful because it helped many of them see themselves as my writing critique partners – and they learned more about me along the way. So the blog helped my students and I grow closer, but it also helped me to reach out to their parents.

As I have mentioned often, I live in a small town. Often I’m blessed to teach siblings, which I love. By the time I reach the youngest child, I feel like I have become part of the family. A goal as a teacher is often to form a partnership with the parents of my students, and I always feel that I am able to do that. Facebook and my blog have deepened that partnership.

While I am certain there might be downfalls to being friends with the parents of your students, I haven’t encountered any. Many of my students’ parents friend me on Facebook, and I accept gladly. And since I always share the posts I write on my blog on Facebook, many of those parents have become blog readers as well. This has been interesting because now not only do my students know me well, so do many of their parents.

This year I had more emails, texts, and Facebook messages than usual – commenting on something I had written, asking for help with a book recommendation, letting me know about something that was coming up that they knew I would be interested in, offering help with an issue I was facing and had mentioned on the blog. In a time where teachers are often disparaged by the media, I never feel that the parents of my students feel that way. On a regular basis I am sent messages of thanks, and it never fails to brighten my day.

Today is a good example of this. Sitting down to read a book this afternoon I heard my phone beep with a text. Looking over I saw this photo of my student, Josh. A few days ago his mom had asked me if I could help her find two books for Josh, she hadn’t been able to get them at the local bookstore. My son happened to have a copy of both and we left them on our front porch for Josh to pick up. 

Two days later Josh came to see me at the pool and shared where he was in the first one I had left. We discussed the series overall and how this book was comparing to the others. Today his mom sent this picture – he’s already well into the second book, proving those naysayers wrong – boys DO read, and even on summer vacation.

I’m so glad I listened to Nancie Atwell all those years ago – my life is immeasurably richer for my students AND their parents having stronger relationships with me. And, if you are reading this and you are a former student or parent of one, thank you! I’m grateful that the end of a school year is not the end of my relationships with any of you. 

Teaching and Parents

Parent Night - Done!!

Well, I made it through parent night. And as nervous as I was – and I’m not kidding – the old heart was racing, it was terrific. I love meeting the parents. Putting names and faces together. Seeing some of their children in them. And I love watching the parents’ faces as I talk, how excited they are for the school year, but how nervous they are too.

There is a reason I believe I am a better teacher for having children. For my teacher friends who do not have kids, please don’t think I mean to slight you. I truly do believe you can be a wonderful teacher and not have kids. But for me, something happened when I had children. I had no idea how powerful the love was for your kids. How you truly would do anything you could for this other person. How badly I wanted my children to succeed, to be happy, to enjoy life.

When Luke, and then Liam, started school I was floored by how hard it was for me. I wanted to go meet with each teacher and share their strengths and their faults. To tell them what they needed to be successful. This is why I now send a letter home at the start of every school year asking my students’ parents to write me anything I need to know about their child. Often parents comment on how happy they are to get this opportunity. That they love this chance to share their child, although it is hard to summarize everything needed to share in one page. J

A former principal also told me something one day when we were discussing a child that was struggling in my class. He reminded me that parents want the best for their kids. They may not parent the way I would, but they aren’t keeping their “best” children at home. They are sending you what they have and they love their children more than anything.

Each parent has hopes and dreams for their children. I’d imagine that most parents hope for a better life for their children. The way they go about this might be different than my own actions, but we have a lot more in common then we’d think. 

And tonight I had the immense pleasure of meeting my niece, Vivian, for the first time. As I looked at Ryan and Mo’s faces I saw two things: exhaustion and love. Being parents for the first time is a humbling experience, but amazing in a way that takes your breath away. And thinking of my brother, his wife, and their new baby girl I said some prayers. Of course I prayed for health, happiness, and to be surrounded by love. But with parent night fresh in my mind and the faces of 71 students who cheered when I told them of Vivian’s arrival today, I prayed for educators to nurture, support, and adore her just as every child should be. For teachers that will be compassionate when she slips up and a cheerleader when she soars. But mostly I just loved her, which is what it’s really all about.  Welcome to the world, Vivian Jean. We sure do adore you already. 

Slice of Life - Parent Night

Slice of Life is sponsored every Tuesday by Stacey and Ruth from Two Writing Teachers.

It’s less than twenty-four hours away and I’m already dreading it. As I’ve told everyone I know, give me a gym full of children anywhere from age four to eighteen, and I wouldn’t break a sweat. Give me twenty or so adults in my classroom and my voice quakes and my neck begins to resemble a thermometer as it gradually turns red. I sweat; my heart beats faster and faster, the whole time praying I can just make it through the night.

Tomorrow night (Tuesday) will be my thirteenth parent night. It has gotten easier over the years. I have found that having kids truly was a great equalizer. Also, growing closer in age – or older (!) – than the parents also helps. I have more practice at presenting too. But truly, it is never something I would do for fun. I stress about it, make plans, copy handouts, think it through, and pray it goes off without a hitch.

My favorite story of parent night is from twelve years ago, B.C. – before children. I, like many in my area, teach in a time warp of “no air conditioning”. How this is even remotely allowed I still don’t know. So, after school on that fateful parent night I raced into the house, threw down the M&Ms I purchased for the parents (bribes), tossed the gate across the dining room entrance so my dog wouldn’t get out, and ran upstairs to shower the day off. I quickly got ready and ran back down thirty minutes later to grab my candy and run out the door. I looked around, and around, and saw that there were no M&Ms to be found. What? Then, I thought for a minute. I had foolishly put the candy near the gate. My ever-hungry golden retriever, Bally, had apparently snaked her paw through the gate, pulled the M&Ms into the kitchen, carefully torn open the bags, and inhaled a pound and ½ of M&Ms. I might have said a few bad words at this point.

A quick call to the local vet informed me that I needed to get her to throw-up. I think I might have said something to the effect of You’ve got to be kidding me. Luckily, my younger brother, Ryan, was in town. He rushed over to my house with hydrogen peroxide, which Bally gleefully licked out of the spoon. We then stood back and watched her like a ticking time bomb, and boy did she go off! Ryan agreed to stay with the dog until Chris could get home and I hightailed it out of there to parent night.

Needless to say, that was one of my more entertaining evenings. I found that you can’t plan out everything, everyone loves a good story, and most parents want to know three things: you care about their kids, you will try your best, and you will get them out of your hot classroom as soon as possible. So I will try to keep this at the forefront of my mind as I meet the new parents on Tuesday night. I have seventy-one kids for reading this year. I have only fifteen minutes with each group to try and convey everything I’d like to say, as I shake like a leaf at the same time. And while I dread the presentation part of the evening, I truly enjoy meeting these parents, forming the partnerships with them, and beginning another wonderful year.