Choosing Kind

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I love it 95% of the time. I can keep up with friends from long ago, talk to former teachers, meet colleagues that inspire from across the globe, and more. Because of social media I have become a write and have seen my writing published. I have connected with the parents of my students in a way that never would have happened. I can bring opportunities to my classroom that I never dreamed possible. All amazing things.

But there is a downside as well. The ugliness. I’ve written about it before and, I guess, I am again. You see I have to laugh at the attention the media pays to the habits of the young on social media. They get scolded for over-sharing, for being unkind, for spreading rumors. True, that happens. The ugly truth is, I see it with adults on a daily basis.

A friend recently posted he was tired of the “happy” Facebook. The one where everything is going well and no one is ever upset. I somehow don’t have the same Facebook when I log in, but I think I would be ok with it.

Recently I have logged on to see complaints ranging from the fact that we had no school for the cold, then the next day complaints that we had school when the weather was still cold. There are status updates bemoaning the type of teacher and coach a child has, the kind of friends they hang out with, the sportsmanship of another team or coach.

Here’s what I know to be true… (thanks, Oprah). I screw up, daily. I wake up everyday and hope that I will make someone’s day better. But I know with 100% certainty, I am not everything I could be to everyone each day. Sometimes I am a good teacher and a crappy mom. Sometimes it is the reverse. And while it is human nature to judge others, I try hard not to.

Yesterday I attended basketball games for both of my boys. In the second game I watched a player speak horribly to his coach, the players, and the ref. His mom began to do the same. She then yelled at a friend of mine because she felt that my friend was talking about her son. She was incredibly rude to the point of harassment for the rest of the game. I tried hard to just ignore her, but I was floored by the behavior.

Coming home, I went over all of the interactions. My energy was running high as I retold the events of the game to my husband, who hadn’t seen the interactions from the coach’s bench. I told him I thought I would email the principal to let them know what was going on in the name of their school.

Then, I slept on it. (Always a good choice.) The thing is, I don’t know that woman’s story. I don’t know what was going on in her head, what she’s dealing with. I don’t know why her son exhibited such poor sportsmanship. And I realized that her story has nothing to do with me, and I don’t need to involve myself in it anymore. No email is necessary.

I think we – and I am including myself in this – do a great job of pointing out other’s faults. We don’t do as good of a job in pointing out what has been done well. I am much more likely to get an email from a parent telling me what their child said went wrong the day before. I am less likely to get an email from a parent just saying they heard the day before went well.

We are all busy, so maybe this isn’t surprising, but I think we can do better. I plan on continuing to use social media to share a positive message. And I plan on thanking people whenever I can. It’s easy to put people down, much harder to intentionally lift others up. I’m going to continue to work on that one. Maybe you can join me?

When Worlds Collide

I’ve been facing a dilemma of late, you see my worlds are colliding. It was bound to happen sooner or later, and I’m honestly shocked it took this long. Well, if I’m being honest, it began last year.

Sometimes I feel that I operate in two separate roles when it relates to children – parent and teacher. Last year those roles began to merge. I always tell personal stories in class – it is one way I connect to my students. They know me well, know what my life is like. Sometimes last year while I was talking I would look up and realize that these students of mine now included one special one – my son Luke. When I would go to tell stories about my life at home, I would always pause and think of whether that story would embarrass Luke. My own child became one of my “kids.” Worlds colliding.

It continued throughout the year and beyond. My boys have always had to “share” their mom when we are out in town. The awesome part of teaching in a small town is that I see my students everywhere. The boys have always been patient as I stop and talk to students and parents. Last year it began to happen with Luke’s friends. Going to Open House at his middle school I had to work to keep returning the focus to him, so many students were excited to visit, but this was his night. Worlds colliding.

Then, the final assault. This week Luke asked for an Instagram account. He and I sat down and really talked about it. What was he using it for, what the rules would be. I immediately told him that both Chris, my mom, and I would follow him and he had to follow us. If he wouldn’t post it for the three of us, than it shouldn’t be posted.

I have many former students following me on Instagram. I’ve never had a problem with that. I figured I can be a good example of how you use social media. The kicker is, I’ve never followed any back.

Twenty minutes after Luke opening an account, a close friend of his followed me. I paused, and then followed him back. If I wasn’t a teacher, I would absolutely follow my children’s friends. I think this parenting thing takes a village and I’m glad to keep an eye on his friends. But then I paused, where do I draw the line? Follow only his close friends? Only kids in his class? Only boys? I didn’t know what to do.

Life has a way of providing answers if you are willing to look for them. Last night our superintendent posted on Twitter that we would, in fact, be in school today. Some high school students chose to post some really awful tweets. That made me think. Instagram is an area where kids make poor choices often. They are often there without supervision and are navigating this social media world with a young brain that makes mistakes. What if I could help? What if I could not only be a bit of a role model on positing things with a positive message, but could also be the voice that reminds you to watch what you post? Could I do that? I think I can.

Teaching is not a 9-5 job, it never has been. Being friends with your students on social media is a topic that needs a lot of consideration. I don’t think it is right in every situation, but I’m ok with where I’ve landed on this. For now, on Instagram, I’m ok with it. I hope my students are. I hope they are ready for the mom voice to be present if I think they’ve made a misstep. Kids screw up, I know I did. I just want to help my students before they make mistakes they can’t undo. I’m finding more and more that I cannot separate the parent mindset from the teacher one. My worlds have become one and for that, I am grateful.

Reading Goals for 2015

On the first day of 2015 I posted this status on Facebook:

I didn’t think it was a big deal, just something I had noticed about myself as a reader. 40+ comments later, I was thinking more. Friends had definite opinions about reading goals. I really didn’t, I was kind of in the middle. So I thought more about them. The more I thought, the more I came to the same conclusion. There isn’t one right answer for everyone. Some people might want a number to shoot for, some people might be constrained by that concept. So, like everything else in my classroom, I think we need to let our students have choices.

In my class for the past four years my students have chosen how many books they want to try and read for the school year. After reading Donalyn Miller’s wonderful book, The Book Whisperer, I see the wisdom in 40 books. I always offer that up as a good number for kids, but they ultimately choose how many they want as their goal. The first week back from Christmas break we take a look at our goals and revise for the remainder of the year. It works for them.

Last year I stopped having a number goal for myself. I read plenty. For 2014 I just read and didn’t think about it. I ended up reading the same as 2013. This year I’m sticking with the “no number” goal and making these goals instead:

Professional Books

I have so many professional books that I have purchased and read the first 50 pages or so. They are filled with great ideas, but I get one idea, try it in my classroom, and forget to go back to the book. My goal this year is to read 20 professional books. I’d love to read more, but that is (hopefully) an attainable goal.

Read the “Award” Books

A goal I have for myself every year is to read our state award books – the Rebecca Caudill and Bluestem nominees. There are twenty on each list, so forty all together. Each list is announced in the spring for the following school year, my goal is to read them all by the start of school that August.

I also want to make sure I read any of the books announced for ALA’s Youth Media Awards that would be perfect for my classroom. I might not get to the Printz books or the other young adult winners, but I want to read the rest.

Non-Fiction

I will freely admit that non-fiction tends to be an area I don’t read enough in. I know my friend Franki has given herself a goal of reading 52 non-fiction books this year, one for each week. I think I will join her in that goal and increase my knowledge of these books.

For Me

This break I read a book by Jan Karon and realized when I was done that I couldn’t remember the last book I had read that was just for me. It was written for adults and there was no child in mind that I could pass it off to. It was a great feeling. I often don’t read books for adults. I find that in adult books I abhor anything that is remotely scary. I don’t like a ton of romance in a book. I like realistic fiction more than fantasy. So I’m often left unsure as to what to read. For 2015 I would like to commit to finding twelve books to read that are just for me, either young adult books I wouldn't give me students or books for adults.

Four goals. I will continue to track on Goodreads, but not necessarily for the number, but to simply remember what I have read. I can’t wait to see what books are in store for me this year.

It's Monday! What Are You Reading?

Be sure to visit Teach Mentor Texts and Unleashing Readers to learn more about the link up for It's Monday! What Are You Reading?

I read a lot over break, I made it a priority. Most mornings I would wake up, read Twitter or Facebook for a bit, and then read for an hour or two. With boys that are pretty independent at this point, it was a lovely luxury. Friends always ask how I can possibly read as much as I do. The simple answer is, I make the time for it. I don't really watch TV, I read. I have a book with me everywhere we go. I read when I'm waiting. I listen to audiobooks in the car. It makes me relax, and makes me happy, so I make time. 

Here's what I read the last week of break:

And while I loved them all, wowza, there is something special about Echo. And I loved How to Outswim a Shark Without Your Snorkel so much, it will be one of the first I book talk. Next up? Wild Things: Acts of Mischief in Children's Literature.  Have a great week! 

Words

Words.

I’ve been thinking a lot about them of late. They seem to be everywhere you turn. Discussions over what people said, what people did. There is the infamous saying,

Sticks and stones may break my bones…

Which I think we all know is completely false.

I don’t think a day has gone by in my teaching career that I haven’t talked to some child about their words. The impact of what we say is tremendous. I think we must find a way to be more mindful of it. But it isn’t just words.

One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you’ve said, forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

And that’s true, isn’t it. I see examples of it everywhere. Jim Rome found this out recently when he made an asinine comment about band students on Twitter. This blog points out his enormous mistake well.  (HERE)

I’m not sure who the blogger is, or how old he is, but obviously he still has memories over what people said to him years ago. Does he remember the exact words or just the feeling? Probably a bit of both.

As a parent I am constantly aware of what I am saying and the impact it could have. Yesterday we went to a day of basketball games. Both of my boys’ teams lost. The conversation we had after was, as always, enlightening.

With one I asked him what he felt he had done well and what he needed to work on for next time. He immediately rattled off the mistakes he had made, ego still tender from the game. I said to him, as I have before, that if we only look at our faults we will not see a true picture of who we are. It took awhile, and some help from me, but eventually we came up with a list of everything he had done well.

With the other we talked about the crowd, how intense it can get at times. He commented that he was glad I cheered for everyone and didn’t yell when people messed up, when he messed up. “Mom, I think people forget we’re just kids.”

Yowza. They are always watching us.

Years ago a parent came and saw me after her daughter had been in my class. It was August, her daughter had moved on to the next grade. She wanted to let me know what she had overheard the day before. After seeing who their teacher was for the new year, her daughter and her daughter’s friend were talking about the previous year. Her daughter said, “I’m going to miss Mrs. S., she was so nice.” The friend concurred. The parent said, “What about her was so nice?” Her daughter said, “She smiled every time she saw me, every day. I always knew she was glad I was in her class.”

That comment took my breath away. That should not be a remarkable thing, that a teacher wants you in their class. I hope I make every child feel that way.

My community lost an important member this weekend, a former teacher who began the kindergarten program here in 1966. More importantly, a friend from childhood lost her mother. As I have watched the condolences pour in over Facebook, the comments on status updates, one thing has stood out – how Mrs. Miglin made people feel. Whether through words or gestures, people remember this teacher from when they were five, even if they are in their fifties now. Mrs. Miglin left a legacy behind, a legacy of kindness and caring, and it is one to be proud of.

Angelou is right. People might forget what we’ve said exactly, but they will never forget how we’ve made them feel. That will be our legacy when we are long gone – with my students, with my children, with any lives I touch. This year I will work hard to keep that at the forefront of my mind, it is more important than anything else I can do.