Sixteen Years Later...

For the past few years I've taught a short research unit on the events on 9/11/01 with my students. Realizing several years ago that my current class, at the time, had only been a year old, it dawned on my that the date didn't mean the same for them as it did for me. Coupling that with the notion that some had never talked to their parents about where they had been that day, we began to learn about it together. 

This year's group of seventh graders just wrapped up their inquiry today. We read 14 Cows for America together and they worked on a blog around the topic of 9/11. Some wrote fiction stories taking place then, some wrote informational pieces, others shared poetry. I wrote my own poem, thinking back on these faces that I looked into on the day that shook the world.

Here's my poem from today. Sending peace and love to you all. 

The Day That Changed My World...

The day that changed my world 

forever,

When I realized that evil does,

indeed,

Lurk within the hearts of men.

The day that would make many children

Say goodbye to parents.

Families forever altered.

So much loss,

So much heartache.

Senseless violence.

And yet,

Goodness triumphed.

Heroes prevailed.

They could be found in

Boats,

Towers,

Fields,

Planes,

Classrooms.

Heroes can truly be found everywhere,

If we know where to look for them.

Sixteen years ago,

I stood in front of a classroom.

Nine year old children,

Staring back at me.

I had gone to the door,

Heard the whispered news,

Images filling my mind,

Horror clutching my heart.

But, like teachers everywhere,

I shoved those images aside.

Knowing that my role was one of calming.

To ensure that life,

For now,

Went on as normal for these kids.

I taught math, social studies, science, and reading.

I hugged kids as they fought with their friends.

I told stories from our picture books.

I smiled,

Laughed.

And yet,

Inside my brain was racing.

Inside my heart hurt.

Inside my stomach ached.

I watched my beautiful students,

And wondered about what world

I was sending them home to at 3:05pm.

I remained calm,

While outside my classroom,

I knew the world had irrevocably changed.

I had changed too,

We all did.

Small Celebrations

Celebrate - writing outside with my students...

Today I had several moments that made me stop, reflect, and feel gratitude seep into my pores. My friend, Ruth Ayres, often does a weekly celebration round up on Saturdays. But, knowing Ruth, she'd say to celebrate whenever you felt moved to. Thus, today's post. I haven't had a lot of time to blog of late, so when the urge strikes, I'm diving in. 

Today I celebrated...

Sunrises
Walking two dogs, separately because it is easier, is good for me and super frustrating at the same time. Thirty minutes of moving every morning is awesome. Thirty minutes when I need to be rushing to swim in Champaign, or get ready for school, can be panic inducing. However, moments like this make me grateful to be where I am.

Seventh Grade Readers
I know I need to soak this in. Teaching the same kids I taught before for two years in a row is a blessing I don't ignore. I already know these kids. I know their quirks. I know what they've liked in the past. But still, some are just now hitting their groove as readers. Today one told me they read 100 pages yesterday because they just couldn't stop. Another kid told me the book I gave her, Salt to the Sea, was so good she was recommending it to her mom. Two boys told me that All American Boys was the most important book they had ever read. Another kid turned when he heard them say that and disagreed, saying the March graphic novel trilogy was. And two boys have been quietly recommending the book Fallout to my entire first hour. 

Picture Books
This year I decided to try Jillian Heise's idea for reading a picture book every single day of our school year in all three classes. It is hard, but I hoped it would be worth it. Today I had one class remind me that we didn't read one yesterday because we didn't switch classes due to Benchmarking. They had talked as a class and decided I needed to "make that one up" at some point this week. Another class came in with kids already talking about the picture book I posted on Instagram last night, Come With Me. Was I going to read it today? (Yes) Did I need Kleenex or a hug before reading. (Nope, I was ok, but it was beautiful.) 

Seventh Grade Discussions
Man, these kids are wicked smart. I love not planning a discussion, knowing I want to introduce them to some topic related to 9/11, show them the video/article/ book and see where they go. These kids have insights that I'd argue most adults don't have. And then, the bell rings and they don't want to leave. Today I had to remind several kids in my last class that we could talk tomorrow, that it was dismissal. Absolutely the best.

Cross Country
I love this sport. I've loved running on my own over the years, but the stuff this sport teaches captures my heart. Liam had a meet today. He's been really striving to run his two miles in less than 20 minutes. Not easy for him, but he's tried. So far he's had one race at 20:46, one at 20:47. So close, but no. Today I saw him nearing the finish line. I looked at the clock. He could make it, but needed to hustle. We cheered, other parents cheered, strangers cheered, and he did it! 19:44. So awesome. His pride in that time was the best. On the way home he shared that he had a new goal, below 19, and he was gunning for it this Saturday. Awesome. 

Sons
My kids can be a pain at times, of course, but what I truly like about them getting older is enjoying the adults they are becoming. Whether it was standing in the kitchen as we made dinner tonight talking to Luke about high school and dances, or talking to Liam about school and how he "accidentally" stayed up an hour later last night to read the last 100 pages so he could start Patina by Jason Reynolds today, my heart just grew. Watching Luke shout out to Chris that he had taken the best (and largest) ribs for himself, Chris yell back from the kitchen, while Luke and Liam burst out laughing at the table, I was filled to the brim. Gratitude.

And, shout out to the lady that taught me to look for the everyday celebrations. Ruth has a new book coming out and I cannot wait to read it! (Check it out HERE) She's looking at our writers and how you can reach them all - especially ones coming from a place of trauma. This will be a book you don't want to miss. 

Living Up to Your Calling

It's the start of the school year, which coincides with the start of Cross Country season for my sons. Tonight, after practice, I took them both to a local restaurant for dinner. Chris was still at work and I just didn't feel like cooking. Over dinner we talked about favorite and least favorite classes, what classes they would have to work the hardest in this year, fears that were on their hearts, things they were excited for, and on, and on. My oldest said something interesting. In reflecting on Cross Country versus football, he said you really have to be in Cross Country because you love it, there will be no attention or accolades that you might get in football. He knows of what he speaks, he was on the football team for three years and enjoyed it. I sat and thought about that comment. 

I have two kids in this sport. Luke, in high school, currently runs about 50 miles a week. He has pushed his body to the limit. He eats a ton of food each day, packs his lunch religiously so he has healthy food at school. He studies running, thinks about it non-stop. Not to say football players don't work hard, they absolutely do. However, in Cross Country there will not be crowds cheering you on. It is a quiet sport. Parents and family members attend the meets, but no one else. You do have to be there for you and for the love of what you do. That being said, it has been the best thing for my boys, without question.

Liam has had a similar experience. His milage in seventh grade is far less than Luke's. His time is much higher. Unlike his brother, he does not win races, but is in the back of the pack. Honestly, I'm impressed he keeps at it. And yet, tonight he told me how he's been eating healthier to try and improve his time. How he wants to join the high school's team because he's seen how much Luke enjoys it. He's shared his dreams of improving his times. He talked about his goals. He too does this for himself, for the joy of being a part of this team, but with the knowledge that there won't be an award at the finish line. Instead he has the knowledge that he did just a bit better than last time.

Luke was right in his comment at dinner, and Liam had nodded in agreement. I was filled with gratitude once again for this sport they love, one that has taught them so much in two years. It reminded me of this quote from Penny Kittle from her book, The Greatest Catch

“When you’re teaching you’re going to see people who cut corners, don’t work as hard as they should, or just complain all the time about everything. I believe you’ve got to do what’s right, every single day of your life, even if the rest of the crowd isn’t. Teaching is about honor and goodness and mercy. It really is. And no one will be watching you most of the time. You either live up to the calling of this profession or you don’t, and most likely no one will ever know but you. But it matters because the kids are counting on you.”

So here's to those of us, doing our thing, for the sole reason that we know it is what's right. Not for the cheers, but because we can't imagine doing anything else. The start of the school year, of the sports season, is hard. It's exhausting work. But man alive, the satisfaction of a job well done is worth it. Knowing in your heart you reached your limit, you lay it all on the line, it is the best feeling. And whether it is making a PR in Cross Country, scoring that touchdown in football, or finding that kid and making a connection, there is no better feeling in the whole world. Wishing you all a year filled with joy and reaching for the stars. You are worth it. 

Anticipation

Tomorrow begins my twenty-second year in education, my nineteenth year in public schools, my second year in middle school. I've taught more students than I can count. I've worked for seven principals, had countless colleagues. There have been highs and lows, but I am so glad that back in 1995 I decided to turn towards education and away from law school. My bank account might be richer, but my heart would not.

Through my students, I have become immortal. Long after I am gone, they will remember me. Hopefully I will make a positive impact that lasts. What I never forget, however, is that they give me far more than I've given them. 

They've showed me what true resilience looks like. My students are braver than any adults I know. They've been dealt some pretty crappy hands, but their dogged persistence makes me sit back in awe.

My students have a kindness that knows no depths. While the world becries their selfishness, I have seen their selflessness. Kids whispering to me that they want to buy a classmate school supplies, donating to a cause they believe in, sending me cards when I have lost a loved one, bringing me flowers and doling out hugs when my dog passed. 

From Kindergarten to middle school, these kids cheer me up, make me feel better when I'm sick, and become obsessed with favorite books right along with me. They make going to work each and every day something that I look forward to.

And on the days where I feel like I've failed, want to drop my head on my desk and cry, wonder where I've gone wrong; they are always the bright spot to remind me that I've done more right than wrong. That the only path forward is one of dogged persistence. And I get up, and try again. 

In twenty-two years I've learned over 2000 names, 2000 stories. My heart has been broken and healed, time and time again. Tomorrow I'll wake up, head into school, hug some former kids, and meet my new school family. I cannot wait. 

It's going to be a great year.

Wrapping Up My Summer of "No..."

I said at the outset that this was my summer of saying "no"... No to extra conferences, no to things that took me away from my family, no to extra work.

That worked out, and didn't. I only attended one conference, a Scholastic Summit in Chicago. It was fabulous as I reconnected with friends I rarely get to see and presented to a group of wonderful educators. So I traveled less for sure.

And yet, I did add stuff to my ever growing plate. I decided to help create a community wide reading program for my town this October. I wrote 13,000 words towards something that I wasn't sure what it would become. It turned out it was just a reflection, but still, it took time. I shuttled my kids to an ever growing number of practices, games, and friends' houses. 

What I noticed, however, is that while I did say "no" to most that came my way, and "yes" to a select few, this summer was good for me. I'm horrible with balance. When I'm reading a lot, I write very little. When I cook a lot, cleaning takes a back seat. In the quiet time of this summer when I got a chance to reflect, I realize that my balance in work versus life has been off for some time. I set out to reclaim that balance.

Teaching is an interesting job. The more you pour into it, the more that you need to do. I love my job. I often joke that it isn't just a job, it's my hobby as well. I love to read children's books, to plan lessons, to write - I selected my profession well. Yet this summer, I began to wonder, there is more to me than teaching, right? I feared I had lost myself in my love of what I do.

Finding my balance again is tricky. I can easily slip into the mindset that I'm not reading enough children's / YA books, that I'm not blogging enough, that I need to write a book, find more conference, go work in my classroom. No matter how much I do, there is still more. This isn't to say that I'm going to stop doing the above either, I'm just going to let it stop consuming me.

In the new found spaces I found time to hang out with friends more, go out with Chris on more dates, listen to the sounds of my boys playing video games float up from the basement while I danced out to Hozier's Work Song as I cook dinner. And I'm going to read romance novels. Lots and lots of them, because I forgot how much I like them. (Great article on romance novels here.)

I'm following in the steps of my new found heroine, Maxine Waters, and reclaiming my time. Because I have a funny feeling that at the end of my days, hopefully many years from now, this is the stuff that will matter for me - these faces above, my friends, time spent with my family and pets, long lazy afternoons surrounded with my home and books I adore. I'm saying yes to more of all of this during this school year. 

And friends, you find your time too. Our students are beautiful. We can love them and have our own lives as well.

Reclaim your time. 

Reclaim what you love. 

Reclaim you.

Stay In Your Lane

I swam laps this week at the Y and in the lane next to me was a high school kid. In talking I learned that he is on a competitive swim team and his favorite stroke is the butterfly.

He was fast.

While I feel like I get stronger and a little better each time I swim, I couldn't help notice that he would finish two laps to my one. At the end of my workout he was at the end of his lane, waiting to race the clock again. I told him "Good swim." 

He looked up and replied, "You too."

I thought about that comment on my way back to the locker room. It was a good swim, even if he could have swam laps around me. The pool hadn't been crowded, I'd had my own lane, and I had swam one of my best times yet. It reminded me of middle school track and a lesson I needed to take from my younger self. I was often assigned the mile and the 800 for our races. Make no mistake, this isn't because I was speedy. My son, Luke, just finished up his middle school career in track. His fastest mile was right around five minutes. Mine would have been closer to eight minutes. I was assigned the races because no one else wanted to run distance. While I wasn't fast, I was an excellent pacer, still am. So, I'd head out and run. I knew I wouldn't win, but that didn't bother me. I liked being on the team. I'd focus on my own race and not worry about the people speeding past.

I think this is true in teaching too. Sometimes when I am online, or at school, I see what others are teaching and begin to look at myself. Am I doing enough? I work so hard, but maybe I'm not keeping up? It is enough to create some strong self doubt. Lately, I've been writing more. I'm looking at the topic I've been presenting on for Scholastic - the impact of audience in our classrooms. It's important and it is something I think about a lot, but then that voice comes in. Who am I to write about what I'm doing? 

It's at this point that I think I need to take a breath, look inward, see that what I'm doing does matter, and just concentrate on my own lane. Not that I can't speed up and beat someone to the finish line if I so choose, but when I'm looking left and right, you can begin to feel like you aren't enough, what you are doing isn't enough. Not cool and, more importantly, not healthy.

Teaching often reminds me of being a mom. I never feel caught up, I never feel like I've accomplished everything I want to do. And yet, we can only do so much. Like parenting, there are tremendous rewards, but it is also an exhausting profession. In it, and back in the pool, I'm going to try to channel my middle school self and just enjoy being there and doing my best. Everything else can simply fall into place.

The Little Book that Could - RJ Palacio's WONDER

I wish I could remember how I got the ARC, I feel like it was from a friend, John Schumacher, but it has been years so I'm not sure. What I do know is that on February 8th of 2012 I closed the cover of a book that would change me. Wonder by RJ Palacio was a breath of fresh air. Auggie Pullman swept in and stole my heart. 

I immediately began to brainstorm, how could I get this book for all of my students? I moved quickly and by the following month, I had a book for every kid in my homeroom. We read it together as the year came to a close. When the year ended, and the day of the yearbook signing came, my students were the ones walking around and getting their copies of Wonder signed. I was in love.

That November NCTE was in Las Vegas. This was not a city for me. I love the conference, seeing friends, talking about teaching, finding books. But the lights, the crowds, it was overwhelming. I clearly remember standing in a hotel room that had a pool table, looking over the city, at the first, and soon to be annual, Nerdy Book Club gathering at NCTE. While I stood there, feeling a bit out of my element, a woman came and stood next to me. We began talking about families, the city, and I introduced myself. When she said her name was Raquel, otherwise known as RJ... tears jumped into my eyes. I wanted to gush, tell her all the book had meant to me in just a few short months, but I held back. Instead, we had a quiet conversation that I will remember for some time. One mom talking to another in a city that, I'm guessing, was overwhelming to us both.

Over the next few years I read Wonder aloud to some classes, and recommended it to more kids than I can count. As school wrapped up this year, my first in middle school, I saw the trailer for the movie. (Trailer HERE) The feeling of reading the book for the first time came flooding back. And, even though we had just wrapped up the school year only hours before, I began messaging my colleagues. Should we do an all school read around Wonder? I posted this blog post asking for ideas. Then I got a text from my former principal in our 4th/5th building (and in my district) - they were doing Wonder as a read aloud. The librarian from PreK-3rd contacted me, she wanted to do a school wide read too and wondered if we should join together. And it mushroomed.

In the last few weeks a team of teachers and librarians from my district have gathered, trying to figure out how to fund this idea. No longer are we looking at one school, or two, or three. We are attempting a community read - all the schools in our district and our entire community. We want to bring our tiny town of over 5,000 people together around the books Wonder and We're All Wonders. We've just begin fundraising for the books to get them into our school. We're also going to be asking local businesses to join us, to have copies in their place of work for community members to stop in and borrow - read & return, or pass on. We're planning a Facebook page for community members to share their thoughts as they read, along with our students. We're going to also have a Twitter hashtag. The publisher is helping us with a discount for the books since we're giving them away. 

I'm overwhelmed.

This was my summer of saying no. Time to be home, be lazy, read, relax, hang out with my boys. But once this idea popped in my head, I couldn't say no. A whole community that knows Auggie? A community where parents, children, everyone knows what it means when someone says choose kind. A community that knows that everyone deserves a standing ovation? 

Sign me up.

So, if you have done anything like this before, shoot any advice my way. We're hoping to be done fundraising by the end of July so we can order the books in August. Books will be distributed towards the end of September so we can read the book in October for National Bullying Prevention month. And then, in November, some grades will be heading over to see the movie.

We're a tiny town in the middle of Central Illinois. I always say we're just a little hamlet, surrounded by cornfields. Draw a line between Chicago and St. Louis, and you'd find us halfway. There are two traffic lights in our town. The only skyscrapers we have are grain elevators and a water tower. We are small, but mighty. I love this town, my hometown. It is filled with good people. And when they get ahold of this book, when they begin these conversations, I cannot wait to see what unfolds. 

It will be magical. I cannot wait to be part of it.